Delayed plane No worries. This is when your day bag comes into its own. Find a comfortable spot and 'dig in'. Airports are uncomfortable, and moulded seats are impossible to lie on. However, your towel makes a handy cushion. Catch up on some reading, play a card game, or just sleep. Don't pay the extortionate prices for the refreshments, bring your own ...or wait to be fed on the plane. Above all, don't get stressed. When the plane is ready, you go...it's as simple as that!
The check-in Two hours prior to departure for long-haul and an hour for short-haul or domestic. By getting there early, you get the pick of the seats - leg room? window seat? aisle? Chat up the check-in staff and ask for the good seats.
Ideally, on a full plane, grab a window seat by the emergency exit halfway up a section. This seat will have leg room and a wall to lean against. You will need to sleep, which is where a window seat, a pillow against the wall and a half-turned body buried into it does the job perfectly. If you are exceptionally tall it is regarded as a disability and will get you a good seat. Never accept a middle seat, unless you are sitting next to a mate who you can go to sleep on, or the only other choice is missing the flight!
On an empty plane, you have a duty to get this right! Book night flights to save a night's accommodation. The best seats are the penultimate seats at the back (the back seats don't recline properly). Get the middle four. Put all the armrests up, use the blankets to form a mattress (jam the cushions down any cracks to even them up), and lie out across all four seats. Make this area yours - spread your stuff all over it. You are on an empty plane, so you're not being selfish. On take-off and landing you can sit in a vacant window seat for the view... and for the film - move closer to the screen, unless you have a screen on the back of the seat in front of you.
Food on board... is getting better and better. The secret is to ask for 'spare' food, as food not eaten gets binned. Politely ask for more - eat what you can and then carry the rest of the sealed stuff away with you.
Drink on board... is usually free on long-haul and scheduled flights, but be careful about drinking too much alcohol on planes - as the air pressure can cause you to become dehydrated much more quickly.. .this can give you a stinker of a hangover.
Deep vein thrombosis... been in the news a lot recently. Basically, if you are inactive for a period of time, blood clots can form in your legs and get pushed around your body. This can be fatal. What can you do, then? Get up and walk around. Do feet exercises every hour (they usually show you some now before you take off - circle your feet, go from heel to toe, etc.. for a couple of minutes). It is advisable to take an aspirin just before take-off, as this thins the blood. There are socks available to help, but exercises will probably do the trick.
Short-haul and domestic flights... The problem with the 'hour before' rule is that delays in traffic mean missed flights. Many check-ins now close half an hour before the flight, so make sure you get there on time. Also, go to the right airport!
Important point: when a flight says it's departing at 9.30am, it actually takes off at 9.30am! We tend to forget this. Many miss flights because they think that they have more time than they really do, especially at some of the larger airports like Heathrow and Gatwick, where you face massive walks or a monorail ride to a satellite terminal at the other side of the airport!
Departure Lounge madness! 'Proceed to Gate 85' comes up on screen, the cue for 150 people to prepare for battle. It is 8.30am, the plane leaves at 9.30am, they reach Gate 85 at 8.31 am, queue to get into the waiting room and then scrum for the seat nearest the exit to the plane! At 9.10am the alert ones sense 'boarding' and start to queue. Others see this, grab the kids and follow suit.
Meanwhile... others like myself (of which I hope you will be one), sit quietly reading the papers. Well aware of the nine-hour flight, our allocated seats and the ten-minute wait to get us through the gate.. there is clearly no hurry.
Landing
Before you land, you may have to fill in a visa/immigration form.. you'll learn to have a pen handy and know your passport number! It asks where you intend to stay. If you are too honest, you could encounter problems ... Just choose a hostel out of the guides and use their address. Basically, immigration are after 'illegals'. Don't get caught by red tape. Fill in the forms completely, but not falsely (a criminal offence). Immigration Back in the UK, the queue for non-EU passport holders will be five miles long! The EU queue has someone on it who gives you a quick glance as you walk past waving your passport, and only stops the odd person. Any problems, be patient and calm. Keep an eye on your passport and documents. If you get seriously hassled, call your embassy.
Customs - what are you allowed to take in?
Generally your Duty Free allowance is a couple of hundred cigarettes or equivalent, a couple of litres of wine, a bottle of spirits, a couple of bottles of perfume. It's up to you to find out what you are allowed and what you're not.
Weapons, explosives, obscene material, fakes, animals, birds, endangered species (dead or alive, includes fur, ivory or leather taken from an endangered species), meat and poultry (especially if raw), certain plants and CB radio transmitters, are all prohibited from coming into the UK from outside the EU, so this should give you an idea of what you're not allowed to carry between countries. Other countries like Australia, New Zealand and the US have an even more rigorous policy on food. Restrictions are there to stop the spread of disease, so be a 'caring' traveller and abide by the rules.
Smuggling
There are two types of smuggling. The petty stuff: a couple of watches here, a bottle or two of spirits, clothes etc.. If you get caught then you'll pay charges on the full value of them. To avoid this, take all the price tags and labels off new clothes, scrunch them up, and make sure that they don't look new. If you get a new suit made up in Asia, for example, don't leave it in the wrapping.
The serious stuff: if you do this, then you're a bigger idiot than you realise! Drugs, clothes, cigarettes, alcohol - if you take the law into your own hands, you pay the penalty when you get caught... Read up on the section about drugs if you're thinking about becoming a runner, and take note especially of the bit about 'The Death Penalty'.
The Red Channel: 'You have things to declare.' You have brought ten pairs of Levi's and are over the limit. By declaring them you will simply pay the duty on them. They will still be a lot cheaper than you can buy them at home. If you aren't sure, go through and ask.
The Green Channel: By going through, you are stating that you have 'nothing to declare'. So if you do have 'something to declare' and are knowingly going through the wrong channel, then you are, what they term...'breaking the law'! Be aware that this can mean fines and prison sentences for arrestable offences.
The EU Channel: The funky little blue lane with the yellow stars for any EU citizen going from one EU country to another. No borders, no barriers, no customs. However, if you think that you aren't being watched, then you're a little greener than you realise. Again, if you have something to declare, go through the Red Channel.
A backpacker in customs Rumours say that backpackers are hauled over, searched and given a rectal examination before you can say 'pass me the vaseline Jack!' If you have long greasy hair, look a mess, stink, and walk though cool as a cucumber because you have nothing to hide, you'll be fine. If you are dead smart, in a suit, carrying only a brief case.. .and you have something to hide, chances are, you will be pulled over. Why? Customs guys are there for a reason, and they are very good at what they do. They know what to look for ...but if you're doing nothing wrong, you've got nothing to worry about ...right? ...that having been said, it's always good to help your cause. Smarten up. Get a shower and a shave. Make your hair look presentable and your belongings clean. If your backpack converts into a holdall, convert it!
If you are pulled over for a search, especially in countries known for their interesting views and interpretations on how their legal system works'...be alert. If you are asked to empty your bag, MAKE SURE YOU DO IT. Take out the contents piece by piece and don't let anyone crowd round. I'm playing on your paranoia here; the chances of you being stopped are minimal and in any event you should be fine, once you have shown that you have nothing to hide. Any problems, get in touch with your local embassy immediately.
Airport departure tax
A real bastard of a tax, it creeps up on you at the worst possible time - just when you've spent all your local currency and are ready to fly out. Occasionally they want US dollars, but they are all different. The best bet is to ask at the hostel/hotel the day before you leave, or check it out at the airport when you arrive.
Changing money
Airports will always have a place where you can change money.. .you may not get the best rate, but they are always there and very convenient. If you have arrived with no local currency and you need to get a bus or taxi from the airport, you are going to need it. Get small denominations, as it is easier for you to deal with and also stops you getting ripped off by the bus or taxi 'not having change'.
In the wake of 11 September 2001, security at airports has obviously increased, so make allowances. If you get caught out, remember that it's for your own protection. Check-in may take longer (so allow plenty of time), and if you try to take anything that could be a weapon on a plane, it will be confiscated (penknives, tweezers etc..), so pack them in your luggage to go in the hold. The good news is that it's theoretically never been safer to travel by air.
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travelling and backpacking tips - airports
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